When the subject of sex comes up for my clients, generally social workers get involved. (Imagine having a social worker grill you about your sex life. *Shudder*)
For instance, a client of mine who had been having sexual relationships for years, found her sex life the centre of massive debate (again, *shudder*,) when she got a new boyfriend that her parents didn't approve of.
Support workers around me started saying "well she's quite promiscuous so obviously she doesn't have capacity to consent to sex". (This made me incredibly angry. Not only because I think it likely that they wouldn't have said that if she were a man, but also because I have dear friends of both genders who have had a LOT of sexual partners. I would never dream of telling them that this implied that they were mentally incapable of making decisions around sex. How incredibly insulting! I'd also like to point out that saying someone doesn't have capacity because they haven't had sex or a relationship before, is also a completely stupid thing to say.)
In these situations (and they happen often) I am very fond of reminding social workers and colleagues that even if we might think that a relationship is bad for someone, it doesn't mean that they lack capacity. See the mental capacity act, and men and women who choose to be in abusive relationships.
[EDIT, not the mental capacity act - I keep forgetting it doesn't include sexual consent, look instead at the Sexual Offences Act 2003, or, even better - Wagner, Adam. 2011. “Should People with Low IQs Be Banned from Sex?” 1 Crown Office Row. http://ukhumanrightsblog.com/2011/02/03/should-people-with-low-iqs-be-banned-from-sex/. ]
Of course some people will turn out to lack capacity. And of course we can and should give emotional support and information to those who have capacity but are in damaging relationships. But trying to prevent them from having said relationship is not the answer.
For instance, a client of mine who had been having sexual relationships for years, found her sex life the centre of massive debate (again, *shudder*,) when she got a new boyfriend that her parents didn't approve of.
Support workers around me started saying "well she's quite promiscuous so obviously she doesn't have capacity to consent to sex". (This made me incredibly angry. Not only because I think it likely that they wouldn't have said that if she were a man, but also because I have dear friends of both genders who have had a LOT of sexual partners. I would never dream of telling them that this implied that they were mentally incapable of making decisions around sex. How incredibly insulting! I'd also like to point out that saying someone doesn't have capacity because they haven't had sex or a relationship before, is also a completely stupid thing to say.)
In these situations (and they happen often) I am very fond of reminding social workers and colleagues that even if we might think that a relationship is bad for someone, it doesn't mean that they lack capacity. See the mental capacity act, and men and women who choose to be in abusive relationships.
[EDIT, not the mental capacity act - I keep forgetting it doesn't include sexual consent, look instead at the Sexual Offences Act 2003, or, even better - Wagner, Adam. 2011. “Should People with Low IQs Be Banned from Sex?” 1 Crown Office Row. http://ukhumanrightsblog.com/2011/02/03/should-people-with-low-iqs-be-banned-from-sex/. ]
Of course some people will turn out to lack capacity. And of course we can and should give emotional support and information to those who have capacity but are in damaging relationships. But trying to prevent them from having said relationship is not the answer.
And just because it's generally easier to forcibly prevent adults with learning difficulties from having sex (especially if they have 24 hour care), doesn't mean you should. I often hear support workers say things like "she's met a boy that she likes at her club. Maybe we should stop supporting her to go there."
This is a woman who hasn't been deemed to lack capacity. How utterly abusive and discriminatory! Sometimes I can't believe how backwards social care still is.
It is easier to get away with saying these sort of things about people with high care needs. But i'd like to point out that the reason for high support hours often has nothing to do with the lack of ability to consent to sexual relationships, even indirectly. Take an example of a physically disabled woman who needs 24 hour care because she is unable to wash herself or go to the bathroom on her own. Would you try to prevent her from having a relationship? How about if she was in an abusive relationship?
Furthermore, if we make it taboo for adults with learning difficulties to have sexual relationships, who will they go to when they need support? Birth control? Pregnancy? STI's? Even emotional support? God knows we've all had our hearts broken at some point.
We are so behind the times when it comes to our clients having sex lives that it is damaging, insulting, and at worst, abusive. I am ashamed to be in a company that condones these attitudes. But at least I'm still fighting.
~ Sally Forth
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